I think back and wonder sometimes, what if I hadn't answered that ad? I had been out of work for a while (mostly because I was so depressed from the breakup of my marriage). I was always good with computers and I could put together a network without thinking twice about it. But during and after the divorce, it became difficult to concentrate. Not long afterward I was let go from my job as a systems administrator. I don't know why the ad caught my eye, there was nothing exceptional about it. "Needed, single or divorced males for scientific study. All expenses paid as well as a generous compensation plan". I stared at the ad for a while and then dialed the number they had given. I had answered a lot of ads that turned out to be either hustles to get you to buy a product, or a low paying telemarketing scam.

When the voice came on the other end, I was waiting for the catch that I knew was going to come. But to my surprise, I was asked a few questions about my marital status and age, and then I was given a date, time and location for a follow-up interview. When I arrived at the office building where I had been told to go, I was met by a very professional looking young lady that led me to a large conference room where there were about a dozen young men. Shortly after I was seated, we were greeted by a man that appeared to be in his early fifties. "Good morning, my name is Dr. George Carson, and I will be telling you about the project that we are asking you to become a part of. First, because we will require you to have no contact with anyone outside of your control group for a period of one year, I ask anyone with family, friends, children or loved ones to leave now". At that point, about half of the group got up and left by the same door that I had entered through. "Now I suppose that the rest of you are wondering what it is that we are going to be doing. As I said earlier, My name is Dr. Carson, and I am a psychologist. I have recently become able to do a study on the effects on a man living as a woman". At this, everyone sat up and started either talking to themselves or at the doctor. "I know that you all have questions" he said, "and I will try to answer them right now. First, I am a psychologist, not a surgeon. There will be no permanent physical changes required for this study. Second, you will be provided with everything you need during the study. To answer the question that I know you are all wondering, yes, you will be required to dress and conduct yourself as a lady at all times during the study. You will not be required to perform any acts that would be against your nature, although you will be required to date members of the same sex, i.e. males. These required dates will be set up for you, if you would like, and again, you will not be required to do anything that would go against your nature." At this point, two more of the attendees left the room. The doctor actually looked relieved. "Now that there are only four of you left, things will actually be easier. The maximum number subjects that I would be able to use was 4 so I would have had to interview all of you before I could have gone any further."

"I will now get into the part that is probably the reason you came in the first place. You will be put on a strict regimen to help you attain a feminine body. You will also be instructed in posture, skin and hair care, how to use and apply makeup, as well as how to adjust your speech to be more feminine. At the end of three months, we will evaluate your ability to adjust, and determine if you will continue with the study. If you have not adjusted during that time, you will be dismissed and will receive a payment of twenty thousand dollars. You will be required to sign a non-disclosure statement, so you cannot tell anyone what you have done until after the study is complete. At the end of the year, anyone who is still with the program, will receive a payment of one hundred twenty five thousand dollars. Again, you will be required to sign a non-disclosure statement. This is required, because I will be publishing a paper on this study. Your anonymity will be protected, so you do not have to worry about anyone finding out about your part in this study".

As we all sat there taking in what the doctor had just told us, a thought came to my mind. "Doctor" I inquired, "what about our current responsibilities, such as rent and credit card payments?" He looked as if he expected this question. "We will clear up all of your current debts, and we will then issue you new identification as well as credit cards, drivers licenses and social security cards. These will all be made out to the feminine name that you will choose." This was all too much for me to comprehend. This doctor was offering more money that I could probably make in three years, and all I had to do was act and dress like a woman for a year. One of the other applicants asked when the year would start. The doctor looked like he was expecting this question and answered it simply saying "Now".

The next couple of days were spent signing forms and setting up schedules. During this time I was introduced to my personal trainer, the hairstylist that would show us how to take care of our hair, and the makeup artist. One of the very first things that we did, was to take a bath and shave all of the hair from our bodies. We were then shown our new wardrobes. These consisted of conservative business type dresses, skirts and blouses. There was also a selection of what I thought were very sexy clothing, including our workout clothing, sheer silk blouses and skirts that were so short that I am sure that my private parts would hang below the hem if I didn't wear panties. Probably the thing that shocked me the most though, was the selection of undergarments. They ranged from cotton panties and bras to lace underwires and garters with silk stockings that had the seam up the back. I had an attendant who showed me how to dress in these clothes. I felt like a toddler learning how to tie my shoes again.

After about a week of training how to walk in high heels and apply eye liner, we were separated and started to receive intensive one-on-one training. This training included instructions from a voice coach on how to make my voice softer by loosening my vocal chords as well as a lesson on how to walk with a sway in my hips.

After only a month, I had lost almost 30 pounds and felt great. Dr. Carson was true to his word and there was no surgery or hormone treatments to speed the process. One of the things that the doctor did require was that we keep a journal of all of the days events. He didn't just want a list of what we did, but also what we were feeling and thinking at the time. By the time the third month was over, I was completely immersed in my identity as Stephanie. Doctor Carson came to me on the last day of my "probation" period and told me "Stephanie, I am truly pleased at the progress that you have made in adjusting to your new personality. Unfortunately, the other candidates were not able to make the same transition, and so I was forced to let them go. I will probably be spending a good deal of my time trying to determine why they could not adjust."

For some reason it all seemed to come so easy to me. I enjoyed the feel of the silky lingerie against my now smooth skin. I even enjoyed the attention I seemed to be getting from the male staff that Dr. Carson had working for him. If the truth be told, I did look really good in short skirts and high heels. My legs, when wrapped in silk or nylon. Just seemed to be made for that kind of exposure. During this discussion, Dr. Carson informed me that I would be starting my new job the following Monday. I was shocked, I had gotten used to the people that I had been in contact with for the past three months (most of them knew that I was a man dressed as a woman), but now I would be dealing with people that I had never met before. My mind was rushing with questions, what if I couldn't do the job, what if someone discovered my secret, what if a co-worker made a pass at me. Dr. Carson quickly put me at ease. He said that I was ready to go out in public, and the job that he had arranged for me was as a troubleshooter for the network department in a large law firm. He also said that from reading my journal entries, he was sure that I would be able to handle any unwanted advances. With this pep talk, I felt that I was really ready. I woke early on Monday morning and started with a warm bath. I then proceeded to shave my entire body (I found that I liked the feel of satiny panties against my clean shaven pubic area). I then put a robe around me and had a light breakfast. After I had finished eating and cleaned up, I sat in front of the vanity that had been provided for me, and started applying my makeup. For some reason, I preferred putting on my makeup before I dressed. I kept the makeup understated (I would be working in a law firm after all). After I put on my wig (my hair still wasn't quite long enough to style the way I would like), I started dressing. The very first thing that I did was to apply the custom made breast forms that gave me the look and feel of real breasts. I then put on a lacy bra (no WonderBra for the first day on the job). This supported the forms the same way it would the real thing. The next thing that I slipped on was a powder blue garter belt and sheer pair of thigh high stockings. At this point I had to go into the bathroom and relieve myself (the feel of nylons on my smooth legs would always get me excited) and the last thing I needed was be discovered on my first day of work. I then put on a black skirt that came to just above my knees and a white silk blouse. To give myself an even more professional look, I wore a jacket that matched my skirt. I checked myself in the mirror and found that not only did I look like I would blend in at the law office, I also was very attractive. The male side of me was still amazed at my feminine side. After insuring that everything was in place, I picked up my purse and headed for my first day at work as Stephanie Clark.

When I arrived at the offices of Lanham, Bitter and Price, I was taken directly to my immediate supervisor, Kevin Howe. Kevin was your typical computer geek. He was short, about 5'4", skinny and wore coke bottle glasses. Kevin was also a genius when it came to anything to do with computers. He knew all of the operating systems, and was responsible for putting together the network that the firm used. I used to be a fairly good engineer, but Kevin made me look like an amateur.

Although I had quite a few admiring glances, and several opportunities to date during my first few weeks at the job, I was able to keep things on a professional level. It was about this time that I heard from Dr. Carson again. He said that he was pleased with my progress at the law firm, but this coming Friday, I would have my first real date. He told me that I could choose an escort if I wanted, or he would have one provided for me. He made it quite clear that this was required as part of the study. Because I didn't really know anyone well enough at the firm to ask them out, I agreed to let Dr. Carson supply an escort. He assured me that the escort would be attractive and above all a gentleman. Our destination for the evening would be a formal dinner dance, so he suggested that I use my credit card that he had supplied me with and go out and buy an evening gown for the occasion. I spent several lunch hours in some of the more upscale dress shops, looking for the perfect dress for this occasion. I don't know why, but even though I would be going out with a man that I had not met, I wanted everything to be perfect. I finally found a black evening gown, the kind with the slit that goes all the way up the side, to the top of your stockings, just barely hiding the clips from your garter belt. It was positively slinky, the way it hugged my body, including my ample breast forms.

Friday night was finally here and my "date" would be picking me up at 8:00 PM. I got home from work around 5:30 and immediately started getting ready. I had already shaved my body the previous night, so I started with a long bubble bath. When I got out and toweled myself off, I decided that I would eat a light salad to hold me over until dinner. After I finished eating, I went in and undressed, then sat in front of my vanity. As I started to apply my makeup, I noticed that my hand was starting to shake. I realized that I was nervous about my date tonight. This would be the first time that I had dated anyone since I had been married. And the irony of it was that I would be dating someone that was the same gender as me.

I finally finished applying my makeup. And started by putting on my breast forms. Tonight I decided that I wanted to go as sexy as I could, so I put on an underwire bra that lifted my breasts to form a lovely cleavage. I then put on my sexiest garter belt and a pair of stockings with a seam running up the back. I took great care to make sure that the seam was lined up perfectly along my long silky legs. I then took my member and tucked it between my legs, as I pulled a pair of satin lace bikini panties up. The result was that I could have easily passed for a hot, beautiful woman. I then put on my dress and smoothed it out over my body. The final touch was a pair of 3" black spike heels. As I checked myself out in the full length mirror, I thought to myself that I could very easily get into trouble tonight if my "escort" was not as much of a gentleman as the doctor thought. As I was applying my Opium perfume, I heard the doorbell. I looked at the clock on my night stand and was thankful that I had started preparing early. I don't know how women do this almost every day of their lives. I picked up my purse and headed to the door. As I opened it up, I let out a small gulp as I looked at the Adonis standing there. He was at least 6'3" tall and very muscular, with blonde hair and steel blue eyes. But the thing the surprised me the most, was how well he filled out his tux. I was almost embarrassed at my reaction as he introduced himself. He told me that his name was Michael, and that when Dr. Carson had asked for volunteers to escort me tonight, he had readily agreed to be my date for tonight. He said that he had seen me during my initiation period (although he hadn't seen much of me since I started my job). He was aware that I was a man living for a year as a woman, and that he would conduct himself in a gentlemanly fashion. Feeling rather comfortable and perhaps a little bold, I told him that I may not be able to make the same promise. He smiled awkwardly at that comment and blushed a little. I actually found myself very comfortable with him. I collected my purse, and he offered his arm, and I was off on my first date with another man. The doctor had provided us with a limousine to take us to the hotel where the dinner was being held. For his part Michael was a great conversationalist. He was able to talk to me instead of talking down to me, as some of the attorneys at the firm did. I found out that he was a doctor himself. He was also a psychologist, though he told me that his field was more related to children than adults. He and Dr. Carson worked together helping families through crises, like divorce, or the death of a loved one. I wondered where someone like him had been when I was going through my divorce. I could have used someone who would listen to me and help me to realize that my world hadn't ended.

When we arrived at the hotel, Michael escorted me into the ballroom where the dinner was being held. I noticed several heads turn and look at us as we entered. I could tell what the women were thinking. You could almost see the jealousy in their eyes as I held onto Michael's strong arm. But the reaction that surprised me was the one from the men. Being a man, I could almost read their minds as their eyes riveted on me and undressed me. I was actually starting to enjoy the feeling of being the object of this kind of attention. As we sat at our table, the waiters started appearing with the first course.

The dinner seemed to go quickly as I sat there and listened to Michael talk. Shortly after the main course was completed and the busboys came to remove the china, people started getting up and dancing to the big band music that was playing. Michael asked if I would care to dance. I used to love dancing with my wife, but I had not had any experience dancing in heels, and I wasn't sure I would be able to adjust following instead of leading, Michael said not to worry, he would take it slow. As he led me by my hand to the dance floor, I could feel my heart starting to race. He gently put one arm around me with his hand on the small of my back. His other hand took mine as I put my hand on his shoulder. For some reason, it seemed so natural, even the high heels didn't seem to bother me. As the tempo of the music slowed, I found myself pulling closer to Michael. He held me tight and I laid my head against his shoulder. As our bodies started to melt together, I noticed that I could feel his manhood pressing against me, and to my surprise, it was fairly swollen. To my further surprise, I could feel my own penis strain against the silky fabric that confined it. I pulled slightly away and suggested that we go outside for a breath of fresh air. I was hoping that the cool night air might also cool our passions. As we walked out into the garden, I realized that it was colder than I had expected. Michael noticed that I was shivering, and put is arm around my shoulder to pull me into the warmth of his body. We walked like this for a short time and then stopped when we noticed that there was no one around. As I looked up at Michael, he lowered his face to mine and started to give me a soft tender kiss. I instinctively started to return the kiss and open my mouth to receive his tongue. Before I knew what was happening, I had my arms wrapped around his neck, and I was enjoying the feel of his body against mine as his hands traveled down my back to cup my panty clad ass. After what seemed like hours, he broke off the kiss and looked at me. I don't know what he had been expecting, but all I could say was "wow". I am sure that I never had any homosexual feelings or tendencies as I was growing up, and the thought of kissing another man would never had entered my mind, but what I had just felt with Michael was more intense than anything that I had felt with any women (including my ex-wife). Michael seemed to agree with my assessment of the situation. We simply stood there looking into each others eyes, possibly looking for some answers. Michael finally broke the silence and asked if I wanted to go back inside. I wasn't sure what either one of us feeling, so I readily agreed. We went back to our table, but the awkwardness kept our conversation to a minimum. Finally Michael asked if I was ready to go home. I grabbed my purse and stood as Michael pulled the chair out for me. I then took the arm that he offered and headed outside to the waiting limo. As we sat in the back I laid my hand on Michael's leg. As we talked, I started rubbing my hand up and down his thigh, going a little higher with each stroke. It wasn't long before I found his hardness. He looked me in the eye and asked me if I was sure that I wanted to do this. I replied that I was a big "girl" and then I gave him a quick soft kiss. With that, I started to unzip his fly and lower his pants. He lifted up so that I could get his pants down to where they were out of the way. I took his cock in my hand and slowly started to pump it. The feel of it was totally different from my own, although it was not really any larger. I knew I must be doing OK when I heard him issue a low, deep moan. With this as encouragement, I bent over and kissed the head of his masculinity. He reacted by arching his back so that his cock ran up along the side of my face. I started tonguing the length of it, concentrating on what I knew was his sensitive head. I guess being a male myself gave me the advantage of knowing what would feel good. Finally I couldn't take it any longer and I parted my lips and took him in my mouth. I waited a second or two, getting use to the feel of his hard cock in my mouth. I then slowly started to run it in and out. Michael put his hands on the back of my head and started moaning my name. He started lifting himself in rhythm to my own actions. All of a sudden I could feel his member grow larger in my mouth as he arched his back and tightened his hold on my head. Before I knew it, he was filling my mouth with his warm, sweet cum. I tried to swallow as much as I could, and found that I was able to keep up with him. After a while the pulsing stopped and I popped his semi-ridged cock out of my mouth. I used my tongue to clean up the excess semen and then sat straight. Before I knew it, Michael's mouth was over mine, as his hand made it's way up my leg. As excited as I was at what was happening, I put my hand over his and told him to wait. I had noticed that we were almost to my apartment and I felt that once we were inside, we would have more privacy. He was able to get his pants back up and look like nothing had happened just before the limo came to a stop in front of my complex. No sooner were we in the door than Michael had me in his arms again and was passionately kissing me. As he did, his hands started to explore my body until he found the zipper on the back of my evening gown As he unzipped it, it fell down around my ankles. I realized that I was standing next to an incredibly handsome man whose own cock was as long and hard as my own. Suddenly Michael was lowering me onto the bed as he finished removing his own clothes. He pulled my panties off and started to stroke me, when I stopped him again. I told him that tonight he had made me feel like a woman, and that I wanted to have him make love to me as if I were a woman. With that, he propped a pillow under me to raise my ass. He then went into my bathroom and found the jar of Vaseline that I kept there. He started to lubricate my puckered, virgin hole and then ran a finger up inside of me. I let out a small squeal of delight and reached for the lubricant. I coated his cock so that it was slick and ready. With that, Michael removed his finger and hovered over me until his manhood was poised at my tunnel. He lifted my legs over his shoulders, and I felt like a virgin bride on her wedding night. Then with one swift move he was inside of me, filling me up. The pain that I was sure that would come, never occurred. All I felt was the wonderful feeling of having him inside of me. He immediately started a rhythmic motion sliding in and out. The feeling was so intense that I could feel my own member getting harder than I can ever remember it having been. My mind wasn't even thinking about the fact that I was a man making love to a man. At that point, I was a beautiful and sensuous woman, and Michael was making me whole. As he continued his rocking motion, I could feel him start to grow inside of me. He made a move to pull out before he released his load, but I wrapped my silk clad legs around his waist, holding him deep inside of me so I could feel his love fill me up. It didn't take long for him to climax, and I wouldn't let go until he was drained completely. Finally, I released the hold I had on him, and he pulled his spent organ from my rear. We both lay there, not quite sure what to say. After what seemed like an hour, I simply said thank you. He looked at me quizzically, and I explained to him that he had helped me realize the part of being a woman that I might never had known if he had not agreed to be my escort that night. He said that the pleasure was his, literally. He got up and went to the bathroom to clean up. As he did, I lay in the bed thinking what my life would be like after my year was up. Would I go back to the life that I had known as a man, or would I continue this new life that Dr. Carson had introduced me to. As I sat there thinking, Michael came back in and saw that I was lost in thought. He asked if I was having any regrets or second thoughts about what we had just done. I assured him that not only was I glad with what had happened, but that I would do it again if he asked me to. At this, his face lit up and he said that he had been thinking to, and that he had never had the kind of feelings for anyone that he was having for me now. He said that he realized that we were both heterosexual, and that what just happened shouldn't change that. I explained to him that I was starting to feel more comfortable in my Stephanie persona, and I was not sure what I would do once my year was up.

We talked long into the night about our feelings, and what had occurred, and we finally ended up falling asleep in each others arms. The next morning, I awoke alone. I got out of bed and realized that I was still in my garter belt, stockings and bra. I checked, but Michael had already left. When I reached the kitchen, I found the note that he had left for me. He explained that he had a couple of appointments this morning, and that he would call me when he was free.

Michael did call me later that afternoon, and we spent a lot of time together that weekend. We did things that any couple that was just starting to date would do, dinner, movies, dancing. And through it all, Michael was always sweet and tender, Even our love making was special. On Monday after I got home from work, I got a call from Dr. Carson. He asked if I could spare a couple of minutes that evening for him to come over and talk to me. I quickly agreed and he said that he would be over around 7:00. Around 7:15 Dr. Carson knocked on my door and apologized for being late. I told him that it was OK, and that I had just finished the dinner dishes. He got straight to the point and told me that he had read my journal entries for this past weekend this morning. He said that he was a little surprised at what had happened with Michael, and he wanted to make sure that there had been no unwanted advances made. I assured him that everything that had happened was consensual and that I would probably continue to see Michael. He actually seemed relieved when he heard that. He told me that when I first came to the initial interview, that he had said that there would not be any surgical or hormonal treatments during the study. He then surprised me by telling me that he had read the part about my questioning whether I would retain my Stephanie identity after the study was complete, and that he wanted to let me know that he has friends that would be able to make any permanent changes that I may want, if I decided to live my life as a female. I told him that I hadn't thought that far ahead, and that I was still considering what I wanted to do. As he got up to head for the door, he told me that if I should decide that I wanted to make some "changes", that the study would pick up all of the costs. He also let me know that if I ever needed to talk to someone, that he would always be available. The next three months seemed to fly by. I spent more time with Michael than I had with anyone else, other than my ex-wife. We did all of the things that a couple starting a relationship do, dinner, dancing, movies, strolls in the park. I felt that Michael understood me like no one else ever had.

Then one day my whole world came crashing down. One morning, a young man armed with a handgun, came into the lobby of the clinic. Michael was there, and tried to talk the boy into putting his weapon down and getting some help. For a short time, it appeared that Michael might be able to end the standoff without anyone getting hurt. All of a sudden, the elevator door opened. The gunman was startled and turned his gun towards the door. Michael saw that the occupant was a pregnant woman who had been in for her checkup. He reacted and dove at the gunman, trying to knock the gun from his hand. During the struggle that ensued, the gun went off, hitting Michael in the chest. The security guard that had been watching the scene, moved in and disarmed and subdued the shooter. The paramedics were called, but it was too late. Michael had died almost instantly.

When I heard Dr. Carson's voice, I looked up from the IBM clone that I had been working on and I could see that something was wrong. I went over to him and he asked if there were some place that we could talk in private. Even before the conference room doors closed, I knew what he was going to say. He told me what had happened and how Michael had died. I couldn't believe it, for the second time in my life, I had lost someone that I had loved. It almost seemed funny, that at the moment that I had learned of Michael's death, I was able to admit my true feelings for him. Dr. Carson explained to Kevin what had happened, and that he would make sure that I got home OK. Kevin came over to me and expressed his regret, and told me that I should take as much time as I needed to grieve. He also told me that if there was anything that he could do, all I needed to do was call.

When we got back to my apartment, Dr. Carson dropped an even bigger bombshell on me than even I thought was possible. He reached into his pocket, and brought out a small jewelry box. He opened it up and showed me a perfect solitaire diamond engagement ring. He explained that Michael had come to him and told him that he was in love with me. He then told him that he wanted to ask me to marry him. He said that he knew that our state recognized same sex marriages, and that he wanted Dr. Carson's permission to purpose to me. Dr. Carson was already aware of my feelings for Michael, and though he knew I was still uncertain as to what I would do once the study was over, he felt that I should have the chance to make the decision for myself. I could hardly believe what he was telling me. I knew that Michael cared for me, but I never truly realized how deeply. I took the ring from the box and slid it on the ring finger of my left hand. Later, Dr. Carson would tell me that in between my sobs, I had said "Yes Michael, I will marry you". Two days later was Michael's funeral, and I was dressed in a black suit that I usually wore for business meetings. Still on my left hand was the ring that Michael had wanted me to wear.

My year will be over at the end of next week. I received a promotion at the law firm and I am now the assistant supervisor, reporting directly to Kevin. I have started dating again (There is a handsome, although shy, attorney that has been having a lot of problems with his PC lately). He finally got up the nerve to ask me out for lunch. I think Michael would have approved. I am scheduled to go in for surgery in two weeks (Dr. Carson said that he had helped this surgeon's son beat a cocaine habit, so he owed him one). I have been able to get over the ache and emptiness that I had felt for so many months after Michael's death. I finally took his ring off of my left hand, and I now wear it on my right. I am sure that I have made the right decision to continue my life as Stephanie, and I know that I will never look back.